Hanging on tight

Have you ever known someone who has held on so tight to a belief or a situation that they become so lost within it and end up losing what else is around them? It is difficult to witness this exclusion and see the detriment it causes.

For whatever reason that propels a person to be so deeply consumed with a belief, such as others should behave or think a certain way and if they don’t, then they cannot be a part of that persons’ world. There are many causes for this including grief and mental unwellness. And that is just that, a cause for it. There isn’t a need to hold on so tight to the cause that it isolates one from all that otherwise would be of value in your life.

It is unfortunate when their situation becomes so all-consuming that they are self-absorbed beyond understanding. The behaviours they manifest are almost unbelievable. It is challenging to get them to expand their vision to take a peek at what is happening within and how it is affecting those around them. It seems as though their self-awareness has been lost along the way.

The grip they have on their grief, beliefs or situation almost becomes white-knuckled, they are holding on so tight to it. They forget how to function now without it dominating their world. I suspect they also become afraid to try to function without it because they no longer remember how to – they only know how to be as they are, in their all-consuming bubble of despair.

Those around them end up becoming a voyeur rather than a part of their lives; they only get to look in from the outside now. These people who once shared laughs, happy moments, quality time and love are now dealing with a grief of being cast beyond the boundaries of the persons ever limiting spherical world. They are no longer participants and not by their own choosing. There is a lot to come to terms with and a lot to try and make sense of. Seldom is this achieved.

There is a secondary grief for the voyeurs also. They grieve for what the person is losing or has lost as a consequence of hanging on so tight to that which is neither helpful nor healthy; loved ones, friendships, health and even the way less important material belongings. They grieve from the knowledge that it doesn’t have to be this way, yet it is. They grieve that they have lost a loved one who is still alive. That is such a paradox.

Is it worth holding on with such conviction that you jeopardize so much? Is it worth losing such flexibility in your thinking that you jeopardize so much? Is it worth being so self-righteous that you jeopardize so much? Is it worth being caught up in your own book written by your greatest story-teller, your own mind that you jeopardize so much?

I think not. Not for me anyway. What I hold valuable to me is at the fore of my world without room for jeopardizing it. I am always endeavoring to be the best person I can be so my footprint on others hearts and souls is a gentle, loving and caring one. I am also fortunate that I permit myself to learn constantly and allow room for growth. This means I have the capacity to listen to the words of loved ones and others without feeling slighted. This also means I have the ability to respect differing perspectives and opinions. After all, we are all unique individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and aspirations discovering our path through life. We need those around us to nurture, support and mentor us, not cast us aside, belittle us, devalue us.

So please be kind to one another and be careful how deep your convictions go. Consider whether they are worth hanging on so tight to that you lose far more than you gain.

Take care one and all x

Photo credit: Siggy Nowak @pixabay

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