Have you ever been in a situation where you are dealing with a tricky person on an ongoing basis? The person who you have a close relationship with, like your boss, a relative or a friend and no matter how much you participate in the relationship, it just doesn’t work.
You try your hardest in the hope they will appreciate and value you. You try different techniques and strategies when you feel you are not being understood in the hope they will get you. You put a lot of effort and energies into just being a part of this dynamic.
This drains you often. You are in a state of stress. You second guess yourself when you don’t feel that you count. You become anxious on occasions when you are broaching a matter again and they didn’t get it the last time, or the time before that or the time before that.
It is a mouse on a treadmill scenario. And guess who the mouse is? Whilst ever you participate in it, that treadmill be keep cranking along, quite happily wearing you out. There is no concern for whether this is harming you; you are participating, that is all that matters….to them.
Now something has to give and give it will, believe me. You cannot sustain this scenario for the long term. It will damage your being. You may become physically unwell or mentally and emotionally sick. This is not what you expected from this relationship. How did you let it go on so long that you are suffering so poorly now?
Well, wait for it. If you are the one who consciously decides to abandon the treadmill, there will be more to come. Tricky Person doesn’t like you not playing their game. They want you to get right back on that treadmill. They do not know how to participate in the dynamic if you change your direction. This doesn’t suit them; they want their control back and won’t they kick and scream and cause some drama.
Is that your problem though? Do you concern yourself with that? No, no and no. You have been at their mercy for long enough. Quite possibly you will need some time to remove the toxicity that you were exposed to. Take the time; it is imperative to your well-being. Do what soothes your soul in order to recover and rejuvenate. If the damage to your being has been significant that your own strategies aren’t helpful, seek out someone who can guide you through the detox process.
Once you have distanced Tricky Person, you may even realise that no matter how often or how many different ways you tried, they would never get it. That is not a slight on you; it is merely their character and their way of being. You have not failed in this. The only possible failing is that you permitted Tricky Person to affect you for so long. From time to time, for a while, this may still occur. The mere mention of their name or a reminder of a situation will trigger shudders throughout you. People unknowing of the depth of impact Tricky Person had on you may share with you something they know about Tricky Person and it causes emotions to boil and maybe surface.
Do you want this? Tricky Person robbing you of the joyous days you now have? I think you won’t. It is not helpful to your well-being. It is not helpful to your functioning. It is not helpful to you at all, ever.
You can acknowledge that you did all you could possibly do and through no fault of your own, the relationship just wasn’t going to work for the long haul. You need to be the best version of you and in that dynamic you would be stifled and possibly even suffocated. You deserve joy, happiness, appreciation and pride. Let me tell you, you won’t find it being a mouse on someone else’s treadmill.
If you are dealing with Tricky Person on your journey, step away now before your wellness is compromised irreparably. It will be challenging however you are worth the challenge. You are worth giving your energies and efforts to. Your world will open up and you are worthy of receiving all it has to offer. You are of value. Yes, you! I promise you that you are and I hope you believe it too x
Image credit: Gerd Altmann