When we hope another will act, think or behave in a certain way and they don’t, we can feel rather disappointed. We have set ourselves up for this as we have created expectations of another without the capacity to act on their behalf and ensure our expectations are met. We most definitely set ourselves up for disappointment when we do not convey clearly what we require of the other person.
Communication is key to alleviating disappointment. Clear discussions about roles and the responsibilities within those roles are helpful to set out some ground rules so to speak. This may need to be revisited on a regular basis to confirm this is meeting everyone’s needs. Sometimes a gentle reminder may suffice, other times a sledge hammer. Just kidding!
When we become so busy and preoccupied with what we have on our agendas and in our busy schedules and another person does not tend to their tasks or hold up their end of the bargain, we allow disappointment to roll in and consume our feelings space. Why haven’t they done it, we often ask ourselves? It is really that difficult to just help out?
These questions are not helpful as we navigate our way through our own tasks for the day. It hangs over us like a huge thunder cloud, draining us and zapping motivation from us. After all, why should we put all the effort in and the other person just goes along for a merry little ride without considering the impacts of not pitching in and doing their bit.
Disappointment comes knocking when we think or expect others to do for us as we would or do, for them. We question our value to them. We start wondering why they don’t want to do for us like we did for them. We start thinking way too much.
We see the other person as acting in an inconsistent and incompetent manner which leaves us with a sense of uncertainty. We see ourselves as an active participant who has accepted responsibility with a willingness to get the job done.
In order to avoid disappointment, we must focus on ourselves and what we are willing and capable of doing and communicate well with other people in our world when a team effort is helpful.
May you find your disappointments few in number or even non-existent. Take care, stay mindful and breathe deeply to help you move forward into better moments x
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