Why oh why do ideas come as I am about to get into bed? Or better still, just as I am all comfortably snug and ready to doze off – bam! All is dark and ideas and thoughts begin to multiply. Not wanting to give up the comfort I have longed for all day halts me from moving. I shudder also at the thought of turning on a light so I can jot down some notes. Doing so means I would risk several hours chasing slumber because the moment the darkness is flooded with light, my brain believes it is time to be awake!
I am merely an aspiring writer and already I understand the need writers have in seeking locations offering sheer solace. Distractions that are minimal or none at all is very appealing. Being able to write and rest when suits; oh the thought! Having free reign to be creative without the constraints of responsibilities in other areas of one’s life is an attractive dream.
Then I cannot help but wonder if being away from all that gives me joy and comfort in my daily life therefore would in itself become a distraction. Would my thoughts wander all the time to all that I love and take them away from the storylines and words I need to purge onto paper?
So in the midst of this, unable to get away for a few days to write in a setting where I would be undisturbed, I need an alternate solution or two. The yearning to write is growing once again. I have terribly missed writing as often as I had been months ago. I bear the angst of lost opportunities from thoughts and ideas that disappeared during the hours I have slept.
Do I just stay awake or do I risk several hours of sleeplessness and note the thoughts down? However, that in itself brings with it another dilemma. I need sleep to assist in abating fatigue. Fatigue and I are not friends. I would much sooner have pain than fatigue as I am still able to function to some degree with pain yet with debilitating fatigue, not so. If I am unable to get adequate sleep for a period of time, fatigue consumes my being and takes me on a downward slippery slope.
It is very much a balancing act; being awake, active and productive whilst ensuring adequate rest, recovery and rejuvenation time. Sometimes the balance is not maintained. Whilst I still have thoughts during these periods when I am not at my best, I often tend not to write them down. I am still working towards having the courage to candidly express what plagues me. There are really only a handful or less of people close to me that I have truly opened up to about my health. One day I will share with many.
For now, I shall keep a notebook, pen and book-light on my bedside cupboard. I shall seize the thoughts and transcribe them into my trusty notebook. Words will be penned across the pages. Let this work for I need to write. I yearn to write. It is within me begging for release. Time, please be my friend. Responsibility, please do not become my enemy. Balance in everything, please occupy my days.
Image: Mumma Sue’s View