Merely an aspiring writer with ideas

Why oh why do ideas come as I am about to get into bed? Or better still, just as I am all comfortably snug and ready to doze off – bam! All is dark and ideas and thoughts begin to multiply. Not wanting to give up the comfort I have longed for all day halts me from moving. I shudder also at the thought of turning on a light so I can jot down some notes.  Doing so means I would risk several hours chasing slumber because the moment the darkness is flooded with light, my brain believes it is time to be awake!

I am merely an aspiring writer and already I understand the need writers have in seeking locations offering sheer solace. Distractions that are minimal or none at all is very appealing. Being able to write and rest when suits; oh the thought! Having free reign to be creative without the constraints of responsibilities in other areas of one’s life is an attractive dream.

Then I cannot help but wonder if being away from all that gives me joy and comfort in my daily life therefore would in itself become a distraction. Would my thoughts wander all the time to all that I love and take them away from the storylines and words I need to purge onto paper?

So in the midst of this, unable to get away for a few days to write in a setting where I would be undisturbed, I need an alternate solution or two. The yearning to write is growing once again. I have terribly missed writing as often as I had been months ago. I bear the angst of lost opportunities from thoughts and ideas that disappeared during the hours I have slept.

Do I just stay awake or do I risk several hours of sleeplessness and note the thoughts down? However, that in itself brings with it another dilemma. I need sleep to assist in abating fatigue. Fatigue and I are not friends. I would much sooner have pain than fatigue as I am still able to function to some degree with pain yet with debilitating fatigue, not so. If I am unable to get adequate sleep for a period of time, fatigue consumes my being and takes me on a downward slippery slope.

It is very much a balancing act; being awake, active and productive whilst ensuring adequate rest, recovery and rejuvenation time. Sometimes the balance is not maintained. Whilst I still have thoughts during these periods when I am not at my best, I often tend not to write them down. I am still working towards having the courage to candidly express what plagues me. There are really only a handful or less of people close to me that I have truly opened up to about my health. One day I will share with many.

For now, I shall keep a notebook, pen and book-light on my bedside cupboard. I shall seize the thoughts and transcribe them into my trusty notebook. Words will be penned across the pages. Let this work for I need to write. I yearn to write. It is within me begging for release. Time, please be my friend. Responsibility, please do not become my enemy. Balance in everything, please occupy my days.


an aspiring writer with ideas


Image: Mumma Sue’s View

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