It was nice to have dinner already planned and prepped, ready to cook
It was nice to have the garden already watered
It was nice to have no tasks to do
It was nice to have a quiet home
It was nice to have interest in what I did over my weekend away
It was nice to have a conversation
It was nice to discuss the upcoming week
It was nice…..
Oh who am I kidding, ha-ha. This may have been my life in the dream I woke from on Sunday morning however not my reality I arrived home to late Sunday afternoon. It will not ever be so with the reality that my partner is on the autism spectrum. Sometimes reality is a hard pill to swallow and other times not.
My weekend away with one of my best friends was so relaxed and enjoyable. I was still in that chilled frame of mind until I stepped through the front door at home. The loudness of the television was such a contrast to the quietness of our conversations and the peacefulness of our days. My focus turned to keeping myself relaxed and to attend to tasks, especially the ones at a distance where the tv was not audible. I wasn’t ready to give up my chillaxed way; it had been too long since I had attained such a tranquil state.
I successfully maintained my focus on staying so relaxed and completed the necessary tasks for the evening. I was ‘hitting the wall’ as we had not had many hours sleep and mine was broken sleep at that however I dare not stop as I was not likely to get going again. My evening soon drew to an end and slumber was very welcome.
My life is what it is and it is up to me to manage it the best ways I know how to maintain that sense of peace and contentment. There are times when this flows so smoothly and there are occasions when I totally suck at it and it all goes to muck. Striving for consistency is my goal. I am challenged even to this day, at moments, wishing for some changes that are not possible or wishing some of my partners ways were different. This is not helpful nor is any form of comparison. I cannot live within the dream, I have to live with the reality.