My Mind; best friend and worst enemy

Recently I had the revelation that my mind is both my best friend and worst enemy rolled into one.  It was a couple of weeks ago on the return journey from a mini-break away with one of my closest best friends. Prior to this getaway, I had been feeling very challenged by some life circumstances. At the end of the break, whilst travelling towards home, I felt an innate calm within that had been absent for a considerable time. Nothing particular during the mini-break brought this about. There was no great pampering day, light bulb moment or strike of lightning upon me. I believe the mere fact that I had free time away from my usual circumstances with their accompanying challenges provided room to take a metaphorical deep breath.

I have a little chuckle now as I reflect upon the many and I mean MANY times that my other closest best friend has reminded me to ‘let it go’ when I have been venting or crying in his proverbial ear. The saying ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ seemed to appear often also. On that, apparently it is all small stuff. Funnily enough and perhaps even somewhat ironic, I own a copy of the book titled ‘DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF for Women’ written by Kristine Carlson. It was gifted to me at the end of 2001. Wouldn’t you think that I would have learned the lesson by now! Perhaps it is time to read it again.

My mind, I believe, serves me well most of the time; my best friend. It allows me to soak up information (not always retained; thanks memory!) and expand my knowledge. It provides room for expression and creativity. It guides me well whilst assisting in making sound and helpful choices. Then there is the flip side; my worst enemy. Over-thinking, over-analysing, shutting off, putting up an almost impenetrable barrier just to name a few of the ways it is my foe.

However I do admire the mind. Although I see that mine has been an antagonist in recent months, it has also switched into protective mode when needed. It has the capacity to keep me going when I feel I have reached the end of the rope. It automatically ties a knot in that rope, so my grip can be maintained until I can pull myself back up.

Layered upon my daily challenges, in recent weeks very sadly there have been a number of beautiful souls who have passed on. I have attended four funerals in the last two months and didn’t make it to another two. I had been going on auto-pilot in some respects after the initial cries from the shock of hearing the sad news each time. Each has had a significant impact for different reasons. Most of these souls I have known for well over thirty years. I have since taken time to sit in stillness and permitted myself to shed the tears, crying as much or as little as I needed to and smile at the memories, then breathe again. The release was necessary.

The grey matter space has now de-cluttered and how fabulous that feels! The inner part of my being is calm and content once more. The challenges of my circumstances are less daunting and therefore more manageable again. Grief has been released whilst the sadness that remains is controllable. There is a sense of a feeling of blossoming, similar to the impending season of spring that is close upon us. A lightness is also felt; no longer the heaviness of all that my mind had captured and was holding onto so tightly.

My mind; best friend and worst enemy yet I love it nonetheless. May it serve me well until my last breath.


The mind and all it can be

Image credit: John Hain @pixabay


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