This piece I wrote some years ago and came across quite recently…………………..
With no specific topic in mind, I set myself up at my lovely old wooden dining table that once belonged to my dear great grandmother. My trusty laptop sits in front of me and a need is churning inside to write. Increasingly, this desire is becoming more prevalent. I pause and look at my surroundings and my eyes are drawn out the window at the soft hues of the early evening sky. Looking at that and thinking about writing brings the thought of a close friend to mind; a dear friend whom enjoys my descriptive communications and ponderings.
A favourite album is playing in the background, keeping my soul soothed. I have an intense hope that my thoughts won’t be interrupted yet the mere presence of another within close proximity is distracting and disturbing my thinking. I would like the space to be my own so I can be one with my thoughts to extract them from my mind. I wonder why or how the need to be creative spasmodically bubbles to the surface and suppression is no longer an option. Is it solely emotive or is there a strong connection that happens involuntarily?
Note to self; turn mobile volume down and leave in another room when writing! So deeply immersed in what I was doing caused me to be so startled when the phone rang and I am so very rarely startled! There was interruption number one. I am certain number two is not far from occurring either. No sooner had the thought and there it is; the high pitched ear piercing grating bark of my neighbour’s dog. No matter how hard I try to ignore it or block it out, it grates on my nerves and exacerbates my low tolerances to loud sounds. Closed windows, doors, walls, a courtyard, garden and fence are no barrier to the irritatingly constant bark.
Amidst that thought, interruption number three presented itself in the form of another human asking a question. Why is there a need to ask that specific question when it is clearly visible I am pouring thoughts frantically out before the next one takes front and centre? What would have been far more palatable would have been me left to tickle the keyboard at lightning speed in an attempt to keep up with the surging thoughts so desperate to be transferred from mind to document. Once said human asked that question, another and another promptly followed. On the back of the intense irritation I was already feeling over the dog and had been building all day for a variety of reasons that just pushed it to a whole new level! I am such a grump! Tolerances are no longer as high as they once were.
What has happened that has taken me from a rather tolerant woman to one with such a short fuse these days? Is it merely age related or physiological changes at play or a nice neat little wrapped up package of both? Whatever is behind it would not negate the unpleasantness for those who are on the receiving end of a sharp quip or grumpy response I imagine.
Why did the joyous and more carefree days pass so quickly to be replaced with deep contemplation and a gazillion thoughts churning the very essence of my soul? Has it been my very own choices and decisions that have brought me to this point in time; this stage of life? Is it circumstances, fate, life, decisions, choices, things beyond my control – what is it? Is it even worth asking the question and seeking an answer? Is that merely a waste of precious time?
Time; there is never enough. Time; it goes too quickly. Time; it is precious. Time; spend it well. Time; beckons to do this task or that one. Time; time to close the door on ponderings this evening and hopefully tomorrow will grant me more time to pursue the answers I seek and draw out more questions from the depth of my murky mind.