For several weeks now, some of my family have been going through one of the most harrowing of times that have been heartbreakingly difficult to endure. I have witnessed their pain and suffering and both my heart aches and my soul cries for them. I am at a loss to be able to take their pain away and that hurts, on all levels.
I have been on the perimeter, observing from the distance, to give them the space they need yet to be right there if they need my support and comforting. They have day by day coped and will manage this last step, I have no doubts about that, however, as a mum, I feel so terribly for them that they have had to deal with it all.
Furthermore, the struggle my grandchildren have had trying to make any sense out of the situation breaks my heart like nothing else. Such young souls feeling confusion, hurt, sadness, pain and loss whilst trying to understand what has happened hits me right in the pit of my stomach. As the hardest day for them nears, the empathy within me rises to a level like no other. I want to wrap my arms around my grandkids, hold them tight and shield them from the reality that is breaking their little hearts. The mere thoughts of what they are going to go through makes my eyes mist over and great anguish build within.
I recall the immense, beyond measure, elation I experienced when my daughters and sons were born and how over the years, I did my best to nurture, care and protect them, yet guide them through the hardest times they faced. I did it with my whole heart and soul. The hurt I felt for them was crushingly cruel yet when I became a grandmother, what I felt seemed to jump up a few levels. This is no slight on my daughters and sons; I merely think this just naturally evolves unconsciously. Perhaps it also has to do with my age now where my perspective on life is seen from a different angle. Whatever the reason is, the anguish is real. Seeing them hurting will be and always is, the hardest thing for me to witness.
Deep breaths, many tissues at the ready and holding my head up, I will show up and be there for them, grandkids and all, giving them the room they need whilst being at the ready to embrace them with heartfelt deep love in the hope that it provides them comfort of some measure.
If only I could take their pain and heartache away, I would. That’s a grandmother’s anguish; not being able to.
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